I was working on a story pitch the other day, and —
Actually, let’s start over. Hi. It’s been a while.
Since last we spoke, I went to a journalism grad school, got married, and had a
kid. Scams all around, but that’s a different essay. And now, as the grim
specter of another election season is upon us, I have returned to wrestle with
my demons in a semi-public way, in full view of friends and potential
employers. Despite the poor decision in linking my personal blog with my
professional writing portfolio, I’ve been moderately productive. Published a
few pieces. Ghost-wrote a book. Worked a 9-5. Changed the poopy diapers. All
good life things.
So anyway, I was working on this pitch. I had seen one too
many bad political “Harry Potter” memes, and I needed to find a way to channel
the way I was feeling into something productive.
Now, a necessary parenthetical: I am politically liberal. I
like Harry Potter quite a bit, and I am happy to talk about it at length,
though I will try to persuade whatever poor soul is stuck in a conversation
with me to read the Methods. But that’s neither here nor there. I say this to
underscore the fact that, by all rights, I should be favorably disposed to
them, at least theoretically. Instead, I feel the same visceral embarrassment
that I felt when I saw that some well-meaning group sent sheet cakes with the
words “You’re in the room where it happens. Let Bolton testify” to all 53
Republican senators during the impeachment. And we all saw how well that went.
What could possess people — “my side” — to be so
hopelessly incompetent? Who is going to be persuaded to vote for Elizabeth
Warren because she is, and I quote, “[A] grown up Hermione… with a plan to give
every elf a sock”? I note that I am
confused, and frustrated.
But of course, to add insult to injury, I was far too late
with my thinkpiece idea. Instead of just having to dodge the iconic 4chan rant
on the subject, I saw that Jacobin Magazine published “Politics is Not Harry
Potter” a well-written functional piece on… basically everything I was looking
at writing about. So much for that. So if you’re looking for a takedown of its
neoliberal morality, you’ll have to go somewhere else.
It is difficult for me to avoid negative thought patterns.
I’m not even sure I’m supposed to, as a journalist, as long as they aren’t
all-consuming and demotivating — the world is full of bad news and things
to rightfully be concerned about. Indeed, as you can see by the contents of
this blog, it’s kind of “my thing”.
You know that saying, about trying to make it in the big
city? “If you can make it there, you’ll make it *bump bump* anywhere”.
It’s just that harder to stand out/be successful/find a niche when there are
more people trying to do it. The internet still has many advantages, but its
net effect on the strugglers and strivers has not been a positive one. How
could you want to open a store if you have to compete with Amazon? How can you
make a living creating when there are a thousand or ten thousand people all
trying to do the same thing, and for free? No seriously, how? The real currency
is human attention, and it’s not exactly fungible. The nature of our
capitalistic system fundamentally discourages creative expression for its own
sake — people are infantilized whenever possible, turned into passive
consumers. Everything polished and gleaming, impressive and beyond the
abilities of us mere mortals. Content as a service and as a way of life, invisible,
ever-present, and as impossible to replicate as tap water. Time is a precious
commodity and while the simple joy of creation can be monetized, it usually
looks like people paying money to paint by numbers or getting MFAs — someone else
is inherently profiting by the enablement.
90 percent of everything is crap, and it’s more like 99. The
more people getting in on the game, the harder it is to find something that
isn’t entirely shit. And for those of us who are talentless, uncreative boobs,
the act of putting words on paper is akin to defecation. The problem is
enormous in scope. I’m an enormous reader, I spend hours every day looking for
interesting things to read or funny comics that reinforce my existing political
beliefs. Forget articles, there are more interesting quality publications than
I can keep track, and I am ostensibly (among other things) a freelance
journalist who tries to write for a living. What does it say about the volume
of ‘content’, if I can’t even be aware of the publication’s existence? I could
send this garbage piece to a hundred different sites, receive 100 polite
rejections, and still not have scratched the surface of what’s out there.
Human beings have choice anxiety, provide them with enough
options and they shut down. Which is, I guess, by someone’s design. It
certainly matches up with the previous paragraph. We’re also good at making
connections (even if they’re spurious), which is why I can see a straight line
from this to our imminent technological unemployment, and to the reason why
there’s nothing for anyone to do in [Insert Small Town of Choice Here] except
to do drugs and die. People get justifiably mad at the pharmaceutical
companies, but at least it’s oxy, not krokodil. It’s the desire of people who
have little purpose or meaning remaining to feel good for a hot second. Certainly,
can’t blame them, makes the horrible droning pressure of this hellworld lift
for a time, and shows just how horrible life can be when the real world comes
crashing back.
And that’s where we are. In a world dark enough for this
inchoate nonsense, on the bitter fragile edge of the void.
Welcome back.
